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This infographic has illustrated the differences between people with high self-esteem people and people with low self-esteem: [1]. Finding the balance of a strong sense self of self-worth and humility is an important as we go through life. Paradoxically, most causes of low self-esteem stem from how others see or treat you, yet the solution to increasing your self-esteem is something that needs to come from the inside out , not from the outside in. Building your self-esteem is not an easy task.

But, it is a worthwhile investment. Identifying the real, root cause s for your low self-esteem is one of the most important things you can do to build it back up. We named many reasons above. Maybe one of them, in particular, resonated with you? Whatever experiences you may have had, and whatever the root issue might be for you, I strongly recommend you get someone to support you through the process to identify and deal with it.

Find a counselor, therapist, coach or someone who is trained in helping uncover and address these traumas, past experiences and root issues. These folks have proven tools, tactics and strategies — and best of all, they help you experiment in a safe space. See yourself how others see you, and talk to yourself as others would talk to you.

What do I mean by this? Think about the person who loves you the most in this world. Now, take a moment, zoom out, and imagine you are standing in their shoes and watching through their eyes. Look from their perspective and see yourself as they see you. What do you notice about you? What would they say to you? What do they love about you? What do they see in you? Simple advice is often the best advice. When you do your best and place your full effort into each and every day, you start to feel better about yourself.

Did you do your best? They key word here is satisfy. Find things that give you a deep sense of satisfaction, a feeling of fullness and purpose. Too often we engage in activities or relationships that leave us feeling self-conscious, empty or terrible about ourselves.

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Identify what satisfies you mentally e. When you engage in something that makes you feel good and even more importantly, makes you feel worthwhile , you will experience greater self-esteem. Self-awareness and a little soul searching are critical to your success in life and your self-esteem. In some cases, lack of self-esteem stems from a lack of knowing who you truly are, and the value you bring. Spend time getting to know yourself. Take time to identify who you are. Some things to think about include. Make the decision to accept the imperfectly perfect you. Know that regardless of what you have been told, what has occurred, what wrong you have done or what challenges you have faced, you are enough.

You are doing the best you can with what you have. I worked with two different clients just last week on this very thing. We compromise ourselves to fit in, to be loved and to be acknowledged. But if you are constantly compromising yourself, you will never truly feel satisfied. How often do you let what others think of you or need from you dictate your actions or decisions? Be strong. Be assertive. Stand up for yourself.

Identify what you want in, and for, your life. Decide what is important to you. Then, identify your boundaries and the non-negotiables in your life. What are you not willing to put up with anymore? We tend to find what we are looking for. Put simply, people tend to often unconsciously look for things that reinforce what they already believe to be true. The same goes for how you see yourself. If you believe you are worthless or unlovable, you will find data to back that belief up. However, if you believe you are worthwhile and beautiful or courageous and strong, you will soon find data to back that up instead.


Often, there is a negative message lodged in their subconscious mind. The easiest way to change what you see? Catch yourself doing something right. Try this: grab a journal, and for the next 21 days—each and every day—write down 3 things you value, appreciate or like about yourself. This might include acknowledging your wins or successes, things you are proud of, or noticing what you feel good about. Tell yourself you are worthless and incapable; your mind will believe that. Tell yourself you are able and awesome; your mind will believe that, too.

Catch the negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk today. It has to be sincere and true. Find people who know the real you — people who can speak to the value you bring, your talents and worth; people who can be real with you, sharing the positive and the constructive in an uplifting way.

5 ways to build lasting self-esteem |

Find your people. Find your tribe. Many great minds have shared that failure has been key to their success, the stepping stone to their greatness and the catalyst to their growth. Each time you overcome a small challenge or bounce back from a set-back, you build that muscle. Confidence comes from knowledge and practice. Self-confidence is about trusting yourself and your ability to succeed at new challenges, tasks and opportunities. Your self-confidence leads to successful experiences, which further builds your self-confidence in those areas.

Your bookings will increase, you will maintain high sales every month, and you will welcome new team members to your team.

For example, I am confident in my public speaking abilities but not in my experience or knowledge to be an accountant. Most people lean on self-confidence to give them moments of happiness and success, instead of working on their self-esteem.

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Rather than facing their imperfections, failures and how they see themselves, they hide behind accomplishments and abilities. If you pride yourself on being a good cook, throw more dinner parties. In short, figure out your core competencies and find opportunities and careers that accentuate them. So, set yourself the goal to tolerate compliments when you receive them, even if they make you uncomfortable and they will.

The best way to avoid the reflexive reactions of batting away compliments is to prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback e.

The Difference Between Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

In time, the impulse to deny or rebuff compliments will fade — which will also be a nice indication your self-esteem is getting stronger. Unfortunately, when our self-esteem is low, we are likely to damage it even further by being self-critical. Since our goal is to enhance our self-esteem, we need to substitute self-criticism which is almost always entirely useless, even if it feels compelling with self-compassion. Specifically, whenever your self-critical inner monologue kicks in, ask yourself what you would say to a dear friend if they were in your situation we tend to be much more compassionate to friends than we are to ourselves and direct those comments to yourself.

Doing so will avoid damaging your self-esteem further with critical thoughts, and help build it up instead. Then choose one of the items on your list and write a brief essay one to two paragraphs about why the quality is valuable and likely to be appreciated by other people in the future. Do the exercise every day for a week or whenever you need a self-esteem boost. The bottom line is improving self-esteem requires a bit of work, as it involves developing and maintaining healthier emotional habits but doing so, and especially doing so correctly, will provide a great emotional and psychological return on your investment.